So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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