i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
