If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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