just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
