Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
