True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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