He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The air taste purple.
Randomize
