She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
