I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
