If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
