Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
