YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
