I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize