I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
