I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
