Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
