The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
