I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
