Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
this is an emotional support booty call
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