I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
