dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
