I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
