somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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