you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
