Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
