so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
