she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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