I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Randomize
