is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
