I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
