I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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