Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
