I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
