Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
