census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
