He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would fuck him just for his dog
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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