im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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