he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize
