can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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