Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
