Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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