I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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