Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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