My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
