your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize