All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
