he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize