Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
