dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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