i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
