The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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