Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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