I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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