really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
