just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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