I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
