Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I believe in your delicious
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
