Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
