i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize