the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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